So, the first step I suppose is to identify the problem... lately, the problem is a numbers game. Basically, there are two of them and one of me. I know, this isn't an uncommon scenario. Moms all over the world face larger opponents every day (hello Mary!). It's not that I can't handle the intensity or the pace... actually, the day-to-day "doing" of the job of mothering is not the problem.
The problem is the constant tug at my heart... the constant feeling of leaving one in the shadows while I tend to another. As soon as I learned I was pregnant with Tatum, I began to worry about how Trevor might be slighted once the new baby came. It never occurred to me to worry about Tatum. However, now that I'm watching my life unfold in real-time, I worry that Tatum seems to get the short end of the stick.
I'm realizing more and more every day that there is a certain, special bliss that comes with being at home with your first baby. There are no other demands on your time, and you are free to give 110% of yourself to fulfill their every need. I remember the afternoons I spent with Trevor... when he'd wake early from a nap and finish it in my arms in the peace and quiet of our living room. His baths were always calm, quiet and soothing. His feedings were uninterrupted and on-time, every time. These things are far from guaranteed in Tatum's world.
This week Tatum has spent a fair amount of time in her crib crying- learning to sleep. Trevor did the same thing...and he's turned out to be a champion sleeper and an extremely happy boy. Tatum is also doing well, and the crying has nearly subsided completely. However, there is a fundamental difference this go-round: When Trevor's nap was over, I doted on him like the prince he is. When Tatum's nap is over, my princess is forced to merge into the tumultuous life and times of toddlerhood. Sure, I cuddle her and love on her as much as possible... but there are no peaceful naps in mommy's arms, and her meals are interrupted by the well-intentioned, but extremely loud, startling, cheers of her brother as she takes a bite. "Good GIIIRL!!" he shrieks.
So, I feel guilty. I tell myself (and believe), big picture-she'll be fine. But I truly mourn the fact that she doesn't get the best version of me. I soak up every minute of one-on-one time with her and pray that she feels enough of my love in those brief moments. So, let's hear it moms... how do you deal?!
2 comments:
Oh Heather. Wish I could give you a hug and tell you I've felt those exact same things. About every other day. But I learned many moons ago from my mother, (three under three herself! Ha!) that it only benefits kids to share time, attention, toys. It is hard on them but ultimately prepares them to have to share in life. I am the third kid in my family and I never felt slighted. They tell me I never had uninterrupted time with either parent...but I am a very happy person and was a very happy child. I think God fills the void that we have to leave with their siblings. That way there IS MORE THAN ENOUGH attention. The kids love entertaining each other!
I know it's hard to feel like you're leaving her out but it's all she knows. She can't compare how much time you spent with Trevor--and he can't rub it in her face!! Ha! Think of what she heard while you were pregnant--Trevor has been as much in her world as you have been. He is part of the scenario that she has always known so why would she want otherwise?
Things will calm down soon. They come in waves, don't they? In our house they do. Soon you'll have a peaceful sleeping girl and a happy boy to play with in your pool in the front yard. I promise!
Gosh...I am just catching up. I haven't read blogs all week. Heather...what you are saying is my biggest fear. But, I like you have been fearful for Ryder. I never thought about the problems new baby boy will face. Thanks for putting light on it for me, I know I will put every effort forward to treasure every minute with him.
It has been a rough week here, too. I just blogged about it and then felt guilty...like I came on here to have a pity party for myself!
From what I read on here, you are balancing things wonderfully! I only hope to be as successful with two as you are!
I'm glad Tatum is sleeping better...that crying it out stuff is the hardest thing to do, but it is usually what is best.
O.K. dishes still hitting the floor...I'll type more later!
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