Wait and See...

 

“Wait and see.” It’s a phrase we hear all-too often with Mr. Trey. I tend to be a very go-with-the-flow kind of girl, and even so, “wait and see” really gets on my nerves. I guess it’s a phrase that applies to any child. It’s not as if their lives are laid out before you in a cute scrapbook the day they are born. Last I checked, those baby books come empty (and if yours are like mine, they unfortunately stay that way). There are empty spaces for “firsts,” “favorites,” and important milestones. These were givens with my first two kids… I never gave any of it a worrisome thought as I scribbled a date beside each accomplished goal. Things are different this time. It’s not as if Trey won’t accomplish those standard milestones- he’s checked off quite a few already! But so far, he’s been lagging behind. As I watch, and wait and scrutinize, I’m constantly balancing thoughts of “Be glad! Once they move, they never stop!” with “But how slow is too slow? When is it time to pay closer attention?”

 

We know that Trey was born with some “anomalies” as his doctor likes to say. And for the past almost year (gasp!) we’ve been doing our best to put together pieces of the puzzle to determine what exactly these anomalies might mean. We still don’t know exactly what we’re dealing with…and so far, we’ve only heard good news when those scary “maybe it’s (insert something you should never Google)” tests roll around. We’ve heard scary things about risk for childhood cancers, abnormal brain development, social stigmas, and painful things our boy might have to endure. He could face all of it, he could face none of it… we’ll just have to “wait and see.” As his mom, the person who spends the most time with him, who scrutinizes every single thing about him, I’m worried I’ll miss something. That in fear of becoming a paranoid mother, I won’t mention a minor detail. And that the minor detail would prove major. I know that our God has knit Trey together in the most perfect way, and that God does NOT “wait and see.” I know I can trust that the road that lies ahead for Trey, has been paved by God in a way to point us to Him, and to show us His glory. But I need to trust Him with all of it. Trust that he’ll give me the discernment I need. Trust in His timing, trust in His provision, trust in His faithfulness.

 

It’s hard to wait for those milestones to happen, when I know with all the “unknowns,” there’s a chance they just won’t. As the months tick past, and his peers pass him by, my mommy heart overflows with fear for him. Push back the fear, rest in God’s truth. Again and again and again. And then, while I’m resting… pushing back fear as the days go on, amazing things happens.

 

He threw me a ball, he said a new word. And I rejoice! It’s no longer a moment I’ll probably forget to scribble in a book. It’s a confirmation of a promise. Not that if I trust God, Trey will face no adversity. God never promised us that. But that if I trust Him, the fear will give way to hope and peace. That instead of noticing today what he isn’t doing, I will rejoice in the thing he did, that he didn’t do yesterday. That today, he is one step further on a path that I get to walk with him. That Trey is becoming who God planned for him to be. May I never put limits on that!