"Quality Time" 101...

I think it's safe to say that every couple in the universe struggles to find "us" time once the kiddos arrive. For us, this became ridiculously true once Tatum delighted us with her presence.

It's not as if we never have any time sans-kids...they do go to bed. And thankfully, they are both fantastic sleepers. The trouble is, there are so many things to do that just can't be done with two kids in tow. The result, is a never-ending post-bed time "to-do" list. So yeah, Nathan and I always spend lots of time together... passing each other in the hallway, or on the stairs... or via text message while one is at the grocery store and the other is home paying bills. We manage to accomplish a lot of things...but no one thing is done well. Being in constant catch-up mode creates a weird kind of stress... maybe something akin to a hamster on his wheel.

So, inevitably, we sought out to find a way to do things better. Much to my dismay, I knew this would entail an even more structured schedule, and even more self-discipline. Truth is, as much as I hate to admit it, the more structured your life is, the easier it is to find "free" time. So... a few weeks ago in the shower (my best thinking spot) I devised a plan that would accomplish our goals, and fulfill my need for spontaneity and lack of structure....

Step one: Identify 4 tasks that require attention on a weekly basis for each person. For us, they look like this:

Note: My tasks mostly involve household tasks. The things that require daily attention (ie: laundry) are not included. Since I have the opportunity to finish my tasks (sometimes) while Nathan is at work, I didn't set aside time for things I want to do (ie: hobbies). If I get my stuff done before he gets home, then my evening can be free. Nathan's list is a little different. His involves some specific tasks, but the other two days are designated as "want list" and "need list." The want list is for his hobbies, or things he's wanted to do. The "need list" means that he'll choose something off of the long list of things he's been needing to do around the house (ie: tidy the garage). Now, here's the part that makes this fun for people like me...

Step 2: Write each task down on a piece of paper. (The images above are cards I've printed for us). Put the cards in a container of some kind (for us, it's a little gift bag).

Step 3: Create the 5th task... and put it in the bag.

Let me clarify a little... "Date night" means nothing is to take priority over spending quality time together. It may mean sitting down to a quiet dinner, watching a movie, or having uninterrupted conversation. It doesn't have to mean it's time to call a sitter and go paint the town...of course, that's always an option!

Step 4: Each week day morning, draw a task out of the bag.

Step 5: Do what it says! ;-)

Having this stuff organized this way may seem silly, but it really does help. It's hard to have any quality time together when your minds are consumed with the other things that you should be doing. Doing it this way means the most important things are being handled... so personalities like my husband's, can rest easy when 'date night' rolls around.